Family plays an important part in a child’s life, as it has played an important part in my life, forming an environment that enabled me to develop a sense of personal identity as I grew from childhood to adulthood. This identity was built from interelations between family members and their social organization, where the relationships between us shaped my identity by detrminning how my siblings and I socialize, identify our culture, and develop self-esteem. The order in which children are born in a family can also have an impact in determining a child’s self-perception. Specifically, my family was responsible for shaping my cultural identity, religious identity, gender roles, and self-esteem. I am a member of a family, and my story includes each of these in shape, substance, and development.
The culture of my family—its ethnicity, race, and practiced traditions—shaped my unbringing and entire life. I remember my mother making curry in the late afternoon, the smells wafting toward my bedroom and inviting me to dinner. We would gather around the table and share a meal, my father, brothers, and everyone sharing about their day. The culinary tradition carried into my personal life after I left home. For example, I have friends over for dinner and often make curry for them, as my mother made. They experience the smell, the invitation, and the communal discussion around the table. In this way my mother shaped me through cooking an ethnically distinctive meal, and I likewise affect those who share in my learned practice. This relates to my race, as my Saudi Arabian heritage ties to my culinary distinction. I have inherited food from my mother but also a racial identity, which unlike the food is expressed and shared at all moments. I am seen, heard, and known as someone with an Indian background. Neither race nor ethnicity exist far from practiced traditions. We would pray together as a family and attend local mosques, yet this has changed for me when I left. While my family’s influence resides, I have explored my own path in religion and the meaning of life. I feel like James Joyce’s character Eveline, who sits by her window, looking out on something new and unknown.
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How has my family shaped my religious identity? In most cases, the parent’s religious background will influence the religious identity of their children as they grow into adulthood. Parents that teach their children about the importance of the religious conviction make them grow strongly believing in the religion. However, I have begun to explore new traditions, and like Eveline I peer out the window, but also venture into the unknown. I see Christians, atheists, and Buddhists, all offering something different and at times competing with the voice of my unbringing. I do not know if I will return home so to speak, like Eveline, for I am still on the journey.
Gender role was pressed upon me as a young woman in the home. There is a high likelihood that children will realize their gender responsibilities in the same direction as their parents. For instance, my parents encouraged me to perform activities such as cleaning the house, washing dishes, and cooking dinner. Likewise, my brothers performed activities such as repairing items, moving the lawn, painting the house and protecting me. However, my family also nudged us towards genderless functions. I was responsible for repairing certain things around the house. My father once asked me to help him fix the sink, so I rolled up my sleeves, dipped under the appliance, and wrenched the pipes with Dad. Did this transform me into a boy? No. I maintained my feminine identity but increased a capacity for an alternative role. My family shaped a rounded gender rather than a fixed or parochial one. Today I find myself relating to men and women, boys and girls, with ease and flexibility. I also can function in traditionally “male” positions, such as leadership, with competence and respect. However, not everyone’s family nurtures rounded gender, so I find myself disrespected or at times maligned as a women operating in traditionally male roles.
My parents also shaped my mind and attitudes. Paul Tough, in his recent book, How Children Succeed, claims that parents may be the most influential factor for shaping a child’s character (28). He claims traits like curiosity, reslience, and grit arise from the home environment rather than school or formal programs. My family did not read Tough, but they do prove him right in one respect, nurturing me in attitude and character, particularly in self-esteem. Saudi Arabia is a very conservative society, but my parents are openminded, non-militants, and supportive. In a sense they reacted against the cultural norm and promoted their own values. They encouraged me to study abroad, be ambitious and independent. They wanted me to achieve all my personal and educational goals since I was little kid. This boosted my self-esteem and encouraged me to work hard and achieve my goals.
Clearly, my parents played a crucial role in shaping my personal identity. Typically, children will identify themselves with their parents’ culture and religion, as I have in some respects—my gender, racial and ethnic heritage cohere with my current identity. On the other hand, children may depart from familial norms, such as my current religious choices. In all, parents should be aware that their actions are likely to affect their children throughout their lives. I hope, like my parents, others will raise their children in an environment that will promote a positive identity. This way they will nurture children who are morally sound and who will lead a prosperous future life.
- Joyce, James. “Eveline.” Dubliners. West Warwick, RI: The Merry Blacksmith Press, 2010. Print.
- Tough, Paul. How Children Succeed. New York: Mariner Books, 2012. Print.
