It is natural that parents would want to be a part of their children’s college experience. On one level, college is only an extension of the education that has involved the parents for all of the students’ lives. Most parents have interacted with the schools since elementary grades, and it is then likely that they would want to remain active in this important part of their children’s lives. On another level, there is the issue of the children being away from home for the first time, and this creates motives aside from concerns for the education. Parents very often want to “protect” their children so, as they leave home as young adults, it is to be expected that the parents would maintain as much contact as possible, and use the school setting as a way of keeping an eye on their children. Nonetheless, the real development of the student as a young adult relies on parents promoting independence, and withdrawing support as the student matures.
Understandable or not, however, the reality is that parents who are overly concerned with their children’s college lives are doing them no real good. The college years are far more than an extension of education, in fact; they are the first opportunity most young people have to experience real independence. This is the time when a wide range of experiences opens up, and the children confront both the opportunities and risks of entering into adulthood. .If this creates anxiety in parents, it is still an essential part of maturing. This being the case, excessive parental involvement must then hinder the development of the children as both students and individuals. In plain terms, people need to make mistakes in order to learn, and not permitting those mistakes to happen can only delay – or even end – the natural processes of becoming an individual. If this is difficult for parents to accept, it is still the most critical reality they need to understand if they are to genuinely help their children grow into responsible adults.
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Of course, many parents have this awareness. One four-year study of parental involvement found that the majority of the interactions were balanced, helpful to the students, and not intrusive. Most involvement was seen to be centered around financial issues, such as loans and bill paying, but there was also evidence of interventions based on issues ranging from poor support from the school to rats in dorm rooms. These parents used judgment in deciding when to intervene. Importantly, the study used student responses as well as the input from the parents, and most students claimed to be allowed independence, and did feel feel as though autonomy was being denied to them (Grasgreen). Clearly, then, there are parents who understand that involvement here must be carefully done and mainly reserved for important issues. At the same time, there are all types of parents, and other research reveals that too much involvement has seriously negative effects on the students’ development. These are the “snowplow” parents who feel the need to oversee as much of their children’s lives away from home as possible. This both frustrates the schools and creates anxiety, or even anger, in the students (English). It is likely that the “snowplow” parents mean well, but the result of extreme involvement is a denial of the children’s opportunity to grow.
When both types of parental involvement are considered, it then seems that the answer to the question of involvement itself is both simple and complex. It is a good thing, but it is a good thing only when done with discretion and a guiding sense of the importance of letting the children find their own way. There is no easy course to follow, as each child’s personality and college situation will create individual issues to be decided. It is reasonable that some students actually require intervention from parents that would have negative effects for others. The critical factor, however, is the parents’ understanding of the need for their children to become independent. This must be behind any consideration of a specific issue. When this reality is accepted by parents, then it becomes likely that they will never interfere unless it is necessary. This is then the optimal situation wherein parents comprehend that the real development of the student as a young adult relies on their encouraging independence, and withdrawing support as the student matures.
- English, Bella. “‘Snowplow parents’ overly involved in college students’ lives.” The Boston Globe. 09 Nov. 2013. Web. 19 June 2014.
- Grasgreen, Allie. “Parents: Help or Hindrance?” Inside Higher Ed. 28 Mar. 2012. Web. 19
