To assess who you are at any stage of life is an inherently complicated, and often frustrating, matter. Identity itself must evolve as each experience brings challenges, opportunities, and above all the unknown, and our characters are forged throughout these processes. At the same time, however, I have good reason to believe there are foundations of character that are essentially fixed, as I trust in a core identity I cannot foresee ever significantly changing. My reason is in fact two reasons: the life of my grandfather and the death of my grandfather. Together, these forces combined to shape who I am, and my profound sense of gratitude for what each has given me only confirms my conviction in their effects on my being.
I believe that I will consciously appreciate the great fortune I had in my relationship with my grandfather until my own life ends. It is not unusual, I know, for people to esteem their grandparents and refer to them as remarkable people. Mine was, in a word, extraordinary, and I felt this reality in all of our time together. His life was alien to me, as he endured struggles in Europe most of us know only from history books. If experience forges character, my grandfather’s was created through fire and war, as he survived refugee camps to provide, at a young age, for his entire family. None of this was ever related to me by him expressing pride, or as a direct “lesson”; we were friends above all, he and I, and the story of his life was known to me mostly after his death. What I took in before then was the man he had become, and this was a man who would lovingly guide me through the twists and turns of my earliest years. He gave me his character, in that our closeness brought me nearer to the best that a person can be, if they are true to themselves and what matters. I was, of course, a young girl, and not all was clear to me at the time. I would beg him to help me with homework, for example, and he would refuse and insist I work harder on my own. It was not long, however, before I would understand. He wanted me to be the best of myself, always, and his belief translated to a belief in myself that is central to who I am today.
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The lessons are simple, yet never easily taken in. He gave them to me and my strength is a tribute to him. He led me to realize how determination both demands and rewards, and is a mark of character. He helped me to see that there is no greater sin than casting aside abilities, which taught me to honor and develop my own. He made me see, in every talk we had, that life would bring pain as well as great things, and that all of it must be faced with integrity. None of this was forced, and all of it came through the channel of regard and love that defined our relationship. Later, when he was gone, I understood something else: he saw the future in me, and this vision became a trust I would seek to fulfill my entire life.
It was after my grandfather’s death that this relationship became more clear to me, for I discovered that much of what he was now was in myself as well. At first, there was only intense grief. Even in this, however, his presence came through; something in me knew this itself was a challenge he had prepared me to face. More exactly, and because of his care, I understood that I could grieve and appreciate, and mourn and be strong. I began to consider how so much of myself was a reflection of him, and the reality filled me with pride. This man had been far more than a model or mentor to me. He had given himself to me, passing on the essence of his character to make me strong, determined, and eager to embrace life. There can be, in my mind, no more precious legacy. He is gone but he is within me and my identity, and I assert this with enormous pride because I know my life will do justice to all that he was. Ultimately, my life is my own, and my responsibility for achievement rests on no one else. This too I embrace, however, because my grandfather was there to gently and firmly prepare me for these responsibilities. I welcome every challenge, academic and otherwise, because I know absolutely his faith and guidance have more than enabled me to meet them.
