As Tannen shows in her article entitled “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” the differences in communication between the sexes begin in childhood socialization, making “talk between women and men like cross-cultural communication” (p. 424). These communications differences between boys and girls, men and women, are all further enforced by media, technology, music, and body language, serving to further the breakdown of effective communication between the sexes even further.
National media tells men and women that women are not being assertive enough in their attempts to communicate with men, and that men are not as in touch with their feelings as they should be. Social networking, either via text or social media sites further spread this communication gap, as studies show that “men and women have divergent expectations for social networking and use it differently” much the same way that men and women treat other forms of communication (Clipson, Wilson, & DuFrene, p. 64). Music too shows that there are distinct communication differences being perpetrated between the sexes. Music such as that performed by Brittany Spears works to send messages to her target female audience, and lyrics such as “I’m a Slave 4 U” serve to “test the limits of her sexuality,” but it is not just her sexuality being tested but that of all of her listeners as well (Hall, 2003). Such lyrics serve to drive home the differences in communication between men and women, and serve to drive an even greater wedge in the problem of communication between the sexes, for the direct nature of thought expressed in the song is expected of women by the male listeners, and the direct words sung by Spears are considered to be a vocalization of thoughts that never would be directly spoken to a male.
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This breakdown in communication serves to bring about several different social threats for all those under the age of 21; these threats are not simply those discussed by Tannen, including differing expectations of what a marriage should be, with the marriage resulting in divorce, but they serve to lead into even greater problems of a sexual nature, wherein the male may take something different from the female’s wording than what was intended, or the male may interpret a lack of speech on the part of the female as acquiescence for something other than what she truly desires. If these communications issues are not looked at in a different light, a host of even greater problems up to and including an increasing number of assaults could occur.
Tannen challenges her readers to treat male-female communications as “cross-cultural communication allow(ing) us to understand the problem and forge solutions without blaming either party” (p. 427), but this is only the first step that should be taken in working to address this particular issue. In order to truly work to address the issues in male and female communication, additional public awareness must be created regarding the reasons for those differences in communication, and requesting additional understanding on the parts of both sexes when communicating with each other in order to ensure that the appropriate points are getting across. Perhaps the first thing that we as a society need to do is work to be more open in our lines of communication with each other, reverting to that most simple communication skill. If something is not understood, the other party should ask for clarification, regardless of whether this misunderstanding or confusion stems from something that was said, the manner in which it was said, or the non-verbal cues of the other person. By starting out simple all communications issues may ultimately be resolved.
- Clipson, Timothy W., S. Ann Wilson, and Debbie D. DuFrene. “The Social Networking Arena: Battle Of The Sexes.” Business Communication Quarterly 75.1 (2012): 64-67. Business Source Complete. Web. 30 Oct. 2013.
- Hall, Rashaun. “Britney Sexes Up The Music. (Cover Story).” Billboard 115.47 (2003): 1-71. Business Source Complete. Web. 30 Oct. 2013.
- Tannen, Deborah. “Sex, Lies, & Conversation.” 423-27. Print.
