1. Have you ever been in a mentoring relationship? How did it compare to the best practices in the text? If you have not had a mentor, what are some specific things that you would look for in a mentor? Would your boss be appropriate as a mentor? Why or why not?
I have never been in a mentoring relationship, though it is a relationship from which I believe I could greatly benefit. “Mentoring has many potential benefits: the development of human assets, greater retention, and the transfer of tacit knowledge” (Luecke, 2004). I believe that greatest benefit of mentoring, at least that which would be of benefit to me, is the transfer of knowledge from the mentor to the mentee. Knowledge is the most valuable commodity in the world other than time. One can use their time to gain more knowledge, but one can also use their knowledge to gain more time. Though time is a standard fixture in life, as it never deviates from its normal progression, a person can create more time for him or herself if learn how to use their knowledge effectively. A mentor expedites that process. Through a mentor, a person is able to learn from the experience of a like-minded individual who has lived the question the mentee seeks. A mentor relationship allows a mentee to further their experience before that experience even occurs in their own life. In terms of finding an appropriate mentor, I do not believe a boss would be a good mentor. A boss could be a good coach, someone who serves as a guide, imparts knowledge, and seeks to bring out the best in their subordinate. However, there is a conflict of interest due to the boss’s position in which he or she is dutifully required to judge and evaluate his or her employee. A mentor should always be someone removed from a position of power of the mentee, in order to create a healthy relationship.
2. Discuss how you can improve your emotional communication based on the insights of the Smalley text. Do you believe different genders end to communicate differently? Why or why not?
Smalley’s Chapter 6 text in The DNA of Relationships highlights many key points as to what emotional communication is and how one can implement emotional communication in his or her own life. “The real message is often the emotion beneath the words” (Smalley, 2004). In Chapter 6, Smalley posits that communication does not occur through verbal language but through emissions of the heart and soul. I can improve my own communication tendencies by gleaning tips for Smalley’s text. To truly understand another person, to understand their motives, their wants, their fears, and the desires, one must pay attention to how a person communicates his or her language. Words are important, of course, but the sentence “I love you” means vastly different things depending on the tonality used by the speaker. These tonalities are often fueled by emotion, those affectations of the heart we so often hide in public for fear of rejection or social ostracism. Smalley recommends we listen to those emotions and look for them in other because emotions are the things that will lead to truly understanding others. As for genders, I do not believe that genders wholly and separately communicate differently. I believe that every person is different in his or her communication style and this disparity crosses back and forth over gender lines. Moreover, communication style can also be determined by a person’s home environment during their most formative years. A woman with a healthy, safe, and nurturing home might turn out more emotionally open than if she had been abandoned by her parents at a young age. This example is not used to paint a picture of stereotypes, but rather, it is intended to show that nurture plays a greater role than nature when it comes to communication styles. There are emotional men and guarded women, logical women and highly communicative men; communication style knows no gender.
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- Luecke, R. (2004). Coaching and mentoring: How to develop top talent and achieve stronger performance. Harvard Business Press.
- Smalley, G., Smalley, M., & Paul, R. S. (2004). The dna of relationships. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc..
