Human beings are social creatures and have the inbuilt need and desire to form and maintain relationships with other human beings. This instinct has immense survival value from a biological point of view. It enables men to come together and pool their resources in order to protect themselves better from the elements as well as create a viable reproductive pool where the species has a better chance of survival. Civilization as we know it is possible partly because human beings can come together and form a single coherent social unit composed of many members.
Psychologists have found out that the social instinct in man is inborn, with even little children seeking to create social relationships with others. The eminent psychologist named Abraham Maslow was able to show that social relationships are vital to the overall health and well-being of human beings. The only needs superseding the social need are the basic survival needs of food, clothes, the reproductive instinct, and shelter. This may explain why prisoners subjected to extended periods of isolation in solitary confinement units tend to go insane. Dyadic relationships form the basis of almost all interpersonal relationships. Dyadic communication can be face to face or through various communication models such as emails and text messages.
In an effort to better understand my relationship with my husband Leon, I decided to engage him in conversation with the aim of determining the motivations for what he does, both positive and negative. I realized the impact that such a conversation would have since I had to touch on matters that were sensitive. I was prepared to drop the conversation if I saw that Leon was responding in a negative or defensive manner. Leon is a very sensitive individual, and I knew that I had to prepare him beforehand to avoid giving him the wrong impression. I knew I had to be prepared beforehand, so I set out to ask four questions that would enable me to see our relationship from a different perspective.
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"Dyadic Essay on a Relationship with the Significant Other".
The first question I asked concerned the First time we met. Leon smiled at this question, and I knew that he had good memories of the event. We first met at a nightclub about seven years ago when I was part of a line dance group. He was always there watching us dance. I remember that he would always approach me with a bottle of water after every dance and that impressed me. Most men in nightclubs tend to see dancers in very negative light, and so I initially thought that Leon was that kind of a person. The fact that he always brought a bottle of water and not a bottle of alcohol or anything else showed me that he was a thoughtful, and a disciplined person.
Leon said that initially he had come to the nightclub with some friend with nothing special in mind. However, when he saw us dance and spotted me in particular, he thought that it would be a good idea to get to know me, not as a dancer, but as a person. That is the reason he always showed up for the dances. He realized that we got tired and thirsty after the show, and so it was natural that he brings me a bottle of cold water to cool me down. My husband Leon can be rather soft spoken, but he is a thoughtful, decisive person, and once he sets out to do something, he always follows through. As time progressed, we went from bottles of water, to late night dinners in a nearby deli to going to the cinema and theatre shows, and now he is my husband.
The second question involves social situations. As a couple, we usually attend many social functions, and our interaction in such functions has an impact on our marriage. I asked him what he felt when we were together in a social situation, and his face took on a somber mood. I know that my husband is the silent, but strong type and so he does not do too well in conversations. I, on the other hand, feel like I need to go out every once in a while and meet friends and acquaintances just to relax and catch up. This has caused a lot of tensions since he mistrusts most of the people who are better than he in the social settings is. He is very protective of me, and this sometimes comes out as jealousy. He is aware that other men are attracted to me, and I feel that one secret fear he harbors is that he may lose me to one of those flashy young men who frequent most social events. I respect him as a man, although I feel that he is overacting to the situation.
Leon has repeatedly told me to avoid eye contact with other men. He has gone further to condemning my choice of clothes, saying that certain clothes are not suitable for married women since they draw too much attention from other men. As we spoke, I saw that he felt deep about the subject. I was able to show him my side of the story, and although he says he will try to change, he has insisted that I stop wearing certain garments.
The third aspect that I had in mind is about how we handle conflicts in our relationship. I started by letting him know that I understood that as two separate human beings with different expectations and abilities who were living together, conflicts were bound to happen. I told him that the reason I was bringing up the issue of conflicts was to help us understand where they emerge in our relationship, in order to be able to stop them before they escalate. My intention was not to shame him or to confront him, only to show him what I felt was not working between us. Leon was silent as he listened to me, and I could see that he had an open attitude towards our conversation on conflicts in a relationship. I told him that I did not like his insecure attitude, and he promised that he would change to accommodate me.
The fourth issue I brought up was about why we were still together and working on the relationship. He has his shortcomings, but I am still attracted to his caring, sensitive, and decisive nature. He said that he was still in a relationship because he had deep affections for me. He told me that I was his best friend, and although we had some differences, he felt good knowing that I was waiting for him at home at the end of the day. I emphasized that although I was against some of his behaviors and attitudes, it was not personal. If both parties in a relationship can change their behaviors and attitude to adapt to each other, then the relationship would improve.
