It had been a lifelong dream of mine to come to the U.S. for college education. Like many other international students, I also grew up with significant exposure to American popular culture such as movies, music, and even fast food. But before coming to the U.S., I also knew it may be a challenging adjustment because I am aware of the perceptions of Arabs and, particularly, Muslims after the tragedy of 9/11. As a result, I felt I would have to embrace American culture as quickly as possible in order to feel welcome in the country.
Back home I would rarely wear western clothes, even when hanging out with friends on weekends. Even though I did bring my native dress to the U.S., I still have not worn them. From the very first day, I decided to wear traditional American clothes such as jeans, t-shirts, and shorts etc. We often form first impression on the basis of one’s physical appearance and I feared native dress may make me appear as too traditional and possibly old-fashioned. I also feared it would lead to less friendly treatment from many Americans and other international students who have less-than-positive impression of Arabs. I saw a greater chance of being embraced by wearing American dresses because it would present me as someone who does have western tastes. If I didn’t have any reservations, I am sure I would have worn my native dress on some days but I didn’t want to draw special attention to myself and wanted to fit in with the rest of the crowd.
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"Being an Americanized Arab".
As a Muslim, I am not supposed to shake hands with women. Back home, I did meet women from other cultures but always greeted them verbally. When I came to the U.S., I initially thought of explaining to the women who may be strangers or friends why I cannot greet by shaking hands but when the time came, I could not do that. Whenever some girl would extend her hand, I would simply shake it so that I come across as modern and not conservative. In the beginning I would feel guilty because i have always been proud of being loyal to my traditions.
Back home, I would mostly watch international news channels such as BBC and CNN but here I have been introduced to many other channels some of whom are not very friendly towards Muslims and Arabs such as Fox News. I am also aware Fox News is quite popular and in addition, I often hear nationalistic statements from politicians. These things do make me uncomfortable and while I would have freely expressed myself back home, I am a little hesitant to speak up my mind here because I am in a country with different views on global affairs. It was not uncommon for me to stay silent even when I would want to express myself. Even though after some time, I did become comfortable with presenting middle eastern views on global affairs as I realized some people are quite open minded, I still remember the control I would observe in the beginning. The reason was simply that I didn’t want to get into anyone’s bad book because I was in a different country.
When I first came to the U.S., my English was average but I would make efforts to adopt American accent so as to give the impression that my English is better than it really is. I did succeed sometime as some people would think I am an Arab who has lived in the U.S. for few years. This would make me feel better at times because this showed I was Americanized in the eyes of some people.
Now I have changed a little and am more of my authentic self as I gained experience in America and got to know Americans better. But I have thought about my behavior in the early days and understand some of the reasons why I pretended to be Americanized. The first reason is simply my desire for social acceptance. When we are in a group, we do not want to be seen as too different. I thought presenting myself as Americanized may encourage Americans to embrace me quickly. The second reason was my tendency to care about my image. It is not uncommon for people to pretend in order to present themselves in the best possible light. As a result, I was not really myself but instead created a version of me I felt would be more popular. Being yourself often means you do not always care what others think of me but it was hard for me to do. I also feel my behavior was influenced by what I saw in the media. I would sometimes even hear statements from politicians that Muslims want Islamic laws in America and they don’t embrace local values. As a result, I wanted to prove that is not true and what better way to prove than to show through actions.
As I think about my early efforts to be something I was not, I feel many people go through the same experiences. Thus, I do admire U.S. because here freedom of speech does allow people to be themselves even though there are some prejudiced elements, too. My experiences also prove people are influenced by external pressure and the media does play an important role in forming public opinion.
