Steven Waterhouse’s book revolves around three central ideas. First, he claims that human beings are unique, created by God in a state distinct from angels and the rest of creation. As a consequence, they inhabit a special institution, marriage and thus the family, shared by no other creature. Second, he explores marriage. In a series of chapters, Waterhouse discusses the foundation of marriage and the problems that arise within the relationship. He particularly counters the popular idea that marriage consists of romance, mushy feelings, and Valentine’s Day gifts. Rather, marriage includes challenge, tough love, and sacrifice.
Third, he transitions to the family. The principles of marriage often overlap into the family, which requires a biblical perspective. Waterhouse underscores the idea that problems in the family stem from spiritual issues. As a corollary, healing the family depends upon obeying God’s instructions, begetting wisdom and blessing.
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I appreciate much of Waterhouse’s book. One of his early points regards dating. He claims that dating falls prone to two mistakes, one in the secular world and another in the Christian world. He writes that non-Christians rush dating towards sex, while Christians often press dating towards marriage.
Both overlook what Waterhouse holds central’friendship. He says that dating couples should focus on being best friends, and out of that they should pursue marriage. I find all three of these patterns among friends of mine, and most often here the ‘rush towards marriage’ view. However, from married couples that I most respect, I more frequently hear advice for the best friend approach.
What is the purpose of marriage? While it starts with friendship, Waterhouse claims that marriage promotes the holiness of both individuals and reflects the love of God. Let’s consider these concepts in through an illustration.
Marriage between a man and a woman is like a journey up a mountain. God sits at the top and the couple helps one another up the side, sacrificing and encouraging the other in the pattern of Christ’s love, and all the while closing the distance from God. That is, they become more like him along the journey. Contemporary culture espouses a view of marriage as optional, selfish, or infatuated with comfort. However, the Bible portrays a radical model where the couple promotes and even suffers for the god-likeness of the other.
Overall, I cannot complain or argue against Waterhouse’s book. However, one weakness stands out. I appreciate his respect for the Bible and his treatment of it as the primary source for this concepts. He draws from the Old and New Testament, and does not cull from alternative philosophies, even in his discussion of the types of love (e.g., agape; eros).
However, Waterhouse does not interact with any other authors or secondary literature. He does not account for other views of marriage as represented by published works or acknowledge with whom he agrees. While this may appear minor, it would help to have cited examples of alternative views rather than assumed cultural positions.
Overall this was an educational and admonishing read, unique in its combination of marriage and family. It provides conceptual guidelines, such as love in marriage and God’s pattern for the institution of family, but it also establishes practical counsel. Waterhouse considers finances and spousal priorities that would help married and engaged couples assess their marriage. I would recommend this to most Christian readers.
