1. Describe an interpersonal relationship that you are in that involves at least some degree of computer–mediated communication (CMC). List the limitations of CMC in maintaining this relationship. Lastly, describe the ways in which CMC enhances the quantity and/or quality of this relationship.
I currently have family members who live abroad, and computer-mediated communication (CMC) plays an important role in allowing me to maintain a relationship with these family members. Although I was very close to these relatives as a child, when we all lived very close to one another, we have grown less close as we have grown-up, and their moving to another country had accentuated that distance in the relationship. CMC, however, has allowed me to easily share my own life events and keep track of theirs. At the same time, CMC offers other benefits in these relationships: as Berger describes, “CMC tends to afford interactants greater anonymity due to increased control over their self-presentation and the ability to conceal aspects of themselves” (Berger, 2014, p. 35); this has meant that I have been able to conceal from these relatives aspects of my life which might upset or alienate them, such as my increasing disinterest in our shared religion. Unlike a relationship maintained by face-to-face contact, therefore, CMC has allowed me to develop a relationship which is both liberating for me, and positive for all of us. However, this controlled communication also creates limitations on the relationship: I have found that it results in superficial communications. This is a particular issue now that many of these family members have had children; the superficial nature of online interactions make it difficult to form deep attachments to these individuals whom I have never met face-to-face, and this is a significant limitation of this type of communication.
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2. Describe how you have managed your manner, appearance, and setting to create desired impressions in two different specific instances.
According to Berger, “Impression formation, or person-perception, is a decoding activity that involves making judgments about a person based on appearance or behavior. These initial impressions often set the stage for developing (or not developing) relationships” (Berger, 2015, pp. 54-55). With this in mind, I have chosen two instances to describe: the first instance involves my appearance and behaviour when applying for my first real job, and the second instance involves my appearance and behaviour when meeting, for the first time in years, a friend with whom I had previously fallen out. In the first instance, my knowledge of the importance of making a good impression was informed by my desire to be hired for this position, over any of the others I had applied and interviewed for. I was also aware that not only did my interviewers have no knowledge of me personally, but that they would also have been assessing many other individuals in comparison to me. I therefore chose clothing which was both smart, formal, and conservative; not knowing my interviewers or their preferences made me wary of appearing too unusual or alternative. I also wished to appear both keen for the position and self-assured; because of this I made an effort to control non-verbal indicators of nervousness, such as my habit of biting my nails. I had no control over the setting of the communication. In the second instance, I also wanted to make a good impression, and I was keen to demonstrate that I had changed for the better since this friend had previously seen me. Although I did not need to dress formally, therefore, I still took care over my appearance, and wore clothing that made me feel confident and attractive. I chose an informal setting, and again tried to supress non-verbal indicators of nervousness; these were deliberate decisions made to counteract the awkwardness inherent in the situation itself.
3. Describe two people for whom you are a significant other. Describe your communication behavior with each of them, giving examples of how (a) you deliver “booster” and “buster” messages to each of them; (b) you create self–fulfilling prophecies that work for and against each of them; and (c) they allow your communication with them to affect their behavior.
Two people for whom I am a “significant other” would be my sister’s two young children – my two nephews. At two and three years old, respectively, they spend a lot of time with me and my verbal and non-verbal communication plays a significant role in shaping their behaviour. Pavord describes how children adapt their behaviour in order to get what they want: “their behaviour may please or displease their parents, but if the child wants attention it figures out the easiest and quickest way to get it” (Pavord, 2015, p. 67). Because these children are so young, they are still learning how to communicate complex thoughts and ideas, and are more likely to use and respond to non-verbal signals than verbal ones. I deliberately use “booster” and “buster” messages, therefore, to help them understand when they are behaving well or badly. At the same time, however, if I allow my own frustration or annoyance with them to be communicated, such as through my tone of voice, or body-language, I often find that this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy by encouraging equally poor behaviour as they respond to my negative signals. Regardless of whether my communications are positive or negative, however, I impact their behaviour significantly as they use my communications to gauge what I want from them, and how likely I am to give them the attention they want.
4. Explain how you managed impressions with others in a recent important event in your life. Cite the reasons why you managed impressions and then evaluate the way you presented yourself.
A recent situation in which I needed to manage the impressions of others would be when I agreed to mediate in a disagreement between two friends. Because communication had broken down between them, it was especially important for me to manage their impressions of me and of each other. By creating an impression of calmness and impartiality, I was able to act as a neutral party in the mediation. At the same time, keeping my communications calm and neutral encouraged reciprocally calm behaviour from each of them, helping to stave off further conflict. I therefore kept my tone of voice soft, slow, and even, and avoided emotive or confrontational language. I kept energetic body language to a minimum, but used non-threatening contact to remind each of them that I was a friend. I feel my presentation of myself was effective, and the situation was successfully resolved.
- Berger, C. R. (2014). Interpersonal Communication. Berlin: De Gruyter Mouton.
- Pavord, E., & Donnelly, E. (2015). Communication and Interpersonal Skills. Banbury, UK: Lantern Publishing.
