For this assignment, I chose to teach my friend Julie about the concepts of supportive communication and supportive learning. I began by defining supportive communication and supportive listening as a method of communicating and listening to others in order to resolve a problem or conflict. I also explained that supportive communication was effective in a variety of interpersonal communications, including those in both personal and professional settings.
Using the examples from the book as a starting point, I created my own examples based on the characteristics of supportive communication. These included the following examples:
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Congruent, Not Incongruent – Focusing on messages which accurately reflect the thoughts and feelings of the speaker
Example: “When you said that, I felt belittled.” Not “Don’t worry about it—I’m not upset.”
Descriptive, Not Evaluative – Describing the situation using factual evidence and events as opposed to opinion
Example: “You didn’t call me before coming over, I was upset that I did not have advanced warning, next time could you please call before showing up at my apartment?” not “You were wrong for not calling before coming over.”
Problem-Oriented, Not Person Oriented – Focusing on the issue at hand and how to improve as opposed to individuals
Example: “How can we work together to come up with a solution?” not “You’re the reason this happened.”
Validating, Not Invalidating – Focusing on methods of communicating which show respect, equality, your ability to work together and agree on a solution
Example: “I have a solution, but what do you think? Let’s work together.” not “We’ll just do it my way, because I am right.”
Specific, Not Global – Focusing on particular events and actions rather than extreme statement or blanketed statements.
Example: “You did not hear what I said even after I repeated myself three times” not “You never listen to me!”
Conjunctive, Not Disjunctive – Encouraging interaction based on previous communication.
Example: “I understand your point, and I would like to add my own viewpoint.” not “I think this (even though it is completely unrelated to what you just said).”
Owned, Not Disowned – Use “I” words to take responsibility of your statements.
Example: “I have decided not to allow this change” not “Your idea isn’t that great, so let’s just forget about it.”
Supportive Listening, Not One-Way Listening – Try to use reflective responses as much as possible when appropriate
Example: “What do you think we can do to fix this problem?” not “Your ideas are just not that interesting. You shouldn’t be consulted for further advice in this regard.”
Using the examples really assisted Julie in understanding the concept of supportive listening and communication. To end the discussion, we practiced coming up with real-life scenarios and playing the role of the supportive communicator in order to complete the lesson.
