Cahn and Abigail (2014) states that forgiveness has advantages for our mental and physical health, as it lowers stress levels (p. 207/208). It is a myth that forgiving is the same as forgetting, and that forgiveness is the same as reconciliation (p. 206). In Chapter 10, negotiation strategies are discussed. The first step in the negotiation process is to define tangible issues (p. 227). This means labeling what is bothering each party and defining what each of the parties wants to accomplish in the end. One of the main strategies is to focus on the interests, rather than the positions (p. 233). This depersonalizes the issue and allows the parties to put their personal feelings aside.
Sibling relationships can be the most difficult conflicts in one’s life. An example of this is one that occurred between my brother and I stemming from an argument that occurred eight years ago. Without getting into my position and the details, this conflict created lasting distance in our relationship. Eventually, I realized that carrying my anger only harmed me. I decided that it was no longer healthy to hold onto these feelings and I worked on releasing them. When I approached my brother to apologize and try to patch things up, I found that my apology was not accepted. The best that I could do was to leave the invitation open for the future.
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This same conflict that I mentioned could have been avoided if either of us knew what I know now about conflict resolution. The issue was over borrowing money. Both parties took the money issue personally and it created a power struggle. One of the techniques that could have been used would have been to focus on the issues themselves, rather than the personal feelings about them. It was failure in the ability to define what each of us wanted, and the common goals. This is an example where a failed negotiation led to a need for forgiveness. I now know techniques that can be used to negotiate a reconciliation if the opportunity arises in the future.
- Cahn, D. & Abigail, R. (2014). Managing Conflict through Communication. Upper Saddle
River, New Jersey: Pearson Education.
